My body just loves being pregnant!

Probably, no definitely my most hated sentence. I read it in an article about some super model who is pregnant. I was thinking to myself great! Money, looks, good genes, and a super easy pregnancy lucky you. So if I hear anyone I actually know ever utter the words now or in the future I will have to fight you. Although being this sick has made me really appreciate the blessings in my life.

I went to the dr on tuesday, I am 18 weeks right now and I gained 1 pound. Albeit overall I am at a 25lb weight loss I am headed in the right direction. This pump may leave me with what feels like many little bee bee gun pullets inside at least I know I am doing everything I can to make sure this thing goes the distance. Ah yes the distance, I blamed the fact that I forced them to induce me at 38 weeks because I had been pregnant a full year. Yes from the time my first pregnancy started, I miscarried, and immediately got pregnant with rock 365 days had passed and I could not of waited another day. It was either he comes out or I go into an insane asylum. This time however (prior to actually being pregnant) I decided I was going to go the distance, I was gonna do it. I was going to let nature take its course. We were going to wake up and I was gonna say "honey its time" or "honey my water broke, don't look at it, I'll clean it up before we leave" (I've gotta make these things realistic) Now at month 4 I am slowly making excuses for why I might be having the baby early. My mom is not impressed. Feeling that this will be Beck and mine last bundle of joy I want to have that experience. However when I think how far away July 9th actually is and that many people go over there due dates I feel like that straight jacket might just be my size. There is a long way to go but we will soon see what "nature" has in store for us.

When it comes to being pregnant feeling the baby first little flutters of kicks, punches, round house kicks, and mustache lips I do not feel a connection. Much with breast feeding. I do not hold my belly and think wonderful things, it does not make me feel closer to the baby. I feel closer to the baby at night when he or she cries and I get up and they go back to sleep. That comfort makes me feel like a mom. I think I get that from my mother. She was always unconventional in the mom department anyway. She would be there for field trips and soccer games, but if you were sick at school, forgot your lunch money, or was in trouble you could never get a hold of her. That's why we had grandma. I am so thankful I got to totally different experiences.

Grandma: she'd kill you if your shoes were thrown around the living room, they must always be tucked by the couch or chair. You better not even think about walking outside with out a coat on, even if it were 90 degrees. The tv was always to loud but she couldn't hear you if you were talking to her no matter where you were. She made the best halloween costumes, especially when under a time constrant. When you were done with her angel hair pasta spaghetti or anything she made you to eat your plate must always go directly to the sink. She washed your clothes at night and they were waiting for you on the kitchen table the next morning. She always answered the house phone. Breakfast was always served. No was not in her vocab, when it came to anything. Her van was the coolest because it had a tv and vcr built in. When you stay at her house its like a bed and breakfast. Other then my husband my granmda is the only adult I will let kiss me on the mouth. She had everything practical you would ever need, (my mother had none.) When growing up I thought she was very rich....well maybe I still think that a little ;)

My mom: our house was dirty when dad was away, but she always said we had 20 more minutes till we had to clean before he was home, then conveniently he drove past our house honking and us kids jumped from the couch cleaned up while she went to pick him up. we never put our dishes in the sink. The only consistent thing with laundry is you better not have clean folded clothes in the dirty laundry. Her menu may only consistent of 5 items but they are the best 5 items you'll find on planet earth. There is no way not to scare her. She taught us if things don't matter then don't do them, and to laugh to always laugh. She is the worst person at reading lips. She would go fight anyone for your right to party! just kidding she would just fight anyone if they were in the wrong.

I don't know if I have mapped out what kind of mom I will be but I hope to be a little of both.