38 Weeks!!!

So I'm 38 weeks pregnant now and have two weeks left of this seemingly never ending pregnancy. This baby better be worth it ;). The more I think about I could go to bed and awake up and say its time to go, or just be cleaning and say oh lord its time, scares me more then getting married did...Maybe its because I knew and was absolutely positive that my marriage was going to work and be amazing and maybe this is the unknown? Am I going to be a good mother? What will it be like? What if I don't know what to do? and I fear that something horrific will happen and I will lose him because of SIDS or something I cannot control. What if my role is just to bring him into this world and then say goodbye. How would I live????? Do all first mothers feel or think this way? I sure hope not, but I hope I'm not a paranoid freak!

Well...I have my crib and all is ready the bag is packed and at any moment I'm more then happy to jump into the car and drive away to lovelace and see my son for the first time. I yearn for the feeling to hold him and kiss his little head. I wonder if he will look like his father, or will he look like me. Will he shock us and end up with brown eyes? What will my son! look like.

Tomorrow my sister flies off to her outbound mission to South Chicago...and I guess I will not be seeing her till she returns in February. I will probably be the only one crying. I miss her dearly. I miss that she has missed out on my pregnancy and she will miss the first months of this babies life. But I am sad that my brother will meet him and then in 6 months or so will leave and not see him again for 2 years...Is life suppose to have such amazing highs and such low lows?

I don't know if anyone else goes through this but I don't wish it on them. Soon I will see my son and I cannot wait!!! Everyone pray everyday that he will be born so healthy and a happy baby and a sleeps through the night baby :)

Thanks for reading